Monday, 14 November 2011

Super Spud cities

Once a Super Spud is able to walk and move their natural survival instinct is to, as quickly as possible, locate and hide forever in the nearest human rubbish tip. 

Why rubbish tips?  Simple: there are hardly any humans around.  One of the three fundamental magic rules states: “If a human sees or hears a Super Spud, that Super Spud shall die instantly”.  So avoiding humans at all cost is always priority number one for a Super Spud.  But even then, nearly every animal in the world also wants to eat them, so you can’t blame a Super Spud for wanting to reach the relative safety of the rubbish tip and its confines.

Super Spuds have been alive now for nearly two years, so almost every rubbish tip in the world has been extensively developed into a Super Spud city.  To the untrained eye, these Super Spud cities just look like a disorganized jumble of, well, rubbish. But search deep within the rubbish and you’ll find networks of streets, rows of houses, stadiums, cinema complexes and, depending on the size of the rubbish tip, even a theme park or water park!  In circumstances where a rubbish tip has used all the available land and the humans have covered it with grass - to make it seem like a natural hill - the Super Spud city is simply built underground and carved out of the compacted rubbish.  Generally though, despite the protection against seagull attacks an underground city provides, Super Spuds prefer an open-plan rubbish tip and the feel of fresh air on their faces.  Defence is always a number one priority in any Super Spud city, as each city regularly faces attacks from seagulls, foxes, evil bands of rogue Brussels sprouts flavours and methane gas explosions.  Most cities are equipped with surface-to-air pencil launchers (SAP) to take down seagulls; and usually there are a large volume of heroic steak and spinach flavours to protect the inhabitants of each city.

The lifespan of a Super Spud outside of a city is roughly three to four hours.  Inside of a city though, they can potentially live forever as the only way a Super Spud can die is through a puncture of its package or being seen by a human.  The picture below is a rubbish tip.  That’s the opinion of any human looking at it, except it’s actually Mt Jago – a Super Spud city with a population of 800 Super Spuds.  Mt Jago is actually quite a dangerous city for a Super Spud to live in, due to the large volume of jagged scrap metal that can easily puncture a Super Spud’s packaging; however, many Super Spuds choose to live there for the year long blue skies and warm temperatures.

As you can see from the picture above, appearances can be deceiving.  Super Spuds are masters of disguise and extremely capable at turning human waste to their advantage.  Next time you pass by a rubbish tip or landfill think about the hundreds of Super Spuds who call it their home, and if you happen to see thousands of seagulls circling overhead, pray that the Super Spuds are able to defend against them!

No comments:

Post a Comment