Thursday, 3 November 2011

The Medals

Earning medals means everything to Super Spuds.  Not only does it allow bragging rights between the different flavours, but it improves that Super Spud’s self-esteem and increases their prospects of finding a job, love, friends and even fame.  For example, job interviews are highly discriminate and solely judged on which interview candidate has the more respectable medal collection.   Some medals are highly respectable, such as a Medal of Bravery, while a Medal of Cowardice will permanently cast a shadow over that Super Spud’s life.  Super Spud wars are also decided on which side has won the most medals.  All the data concerning the allocation of medals is stored in the vast Medal Bank in the Super Spud city of Mount Harweel.  In this blog, you will learn of just some of the different types of medals: bad ones, good ones, and just plain random ones!  

Examples of the Medals

1)      Medal of Absolute Ridiculous Heroism  

Any fool can be a hero, but this medal is awarded to those Super Spuds who display acts of courage which can only be described as suicidal.    Usually it is the generals who are awarded these – posthumously, in most cases.  General Sharp is currently the only living recipient of this medal.  He earned it by single-handedly defeating a dozen attacking evil Brussels sprouts flavours and successfully defending the hospital they were trying to destroy.  When I say single-handedly, I mean it in the literal sense that he defeated them with just his right arm and hand, because both his legs and his left arm had been blown off in the course of the same attack by a thumbtack grenade.  This is a tough medal to earn.     

2)      Medal of Making Their Captain Proud

Generally, only the Fisherman’s Friend flavours or sea salt flavours receive these because they were the only flavours who ventured out into the open seas.  On the giant floating rubbish barges or on the vessels these flavours sailed on, there would always be a captain – who was always stern, humourless and very hard to please. That is, except when a Super Spud on his vessel he commanded did something so courageous, or respected the Maritime Code in such a way that the captain couldn’t help but feel proud of his crew member.  They are tough medals to earn though; only ten have ever been awarded.  The most recent one awarded was to Stuart the sea salt flavour, who, in hurricane strength winds and vastly swollen seas, jumped overboard to rescue his captain’s favourite hat and returned it safely.  Captain Birdeyes couldn’t help but shed a tear and nominated Michael for this particular medal. 

3)      Medal of Cowardice

The name says it all.  If a Super Spud fails to save another Super Spud's life when he/she could have intervened at minimum risk to his/her own safety, then they will likely be judged by passers-by and nominated for this medal.  Of course, it is only the steak and spinach flavours who willingly risk their life every second, for often meaningless circumstances, and most of the flavours don’t mind too much if they are given the odd Medal of Cowardice.  But not the steak and spinach, to this day no Medal of Cowardice has ever been given to this flavour.

4)      Medal of Well-Spoken English

Super Spuds, especially steak and spinach flavours, love to hear rousing, impassioned speeches for any subject.  To be nominated, the Super Spud giving the speech has to speak for more than one minute, use at least three words over seven letters long and raise their voice on the last sentence.  It sounds easy, but this medal isn’t just handed out to any random speaker.   Crucially, there must be the correct mix of strong emotion and clear, eloquent pronunciation.  Any Super Spud who has earned this medal will almost certainly be hired for any job, particularly marketing, over a Super Spud who doesn’t have one.

5)      Medal of Extreme Popularity

Like humans, Super Spuds also have their own internet and social networking sites including: Spudbook, Spudspace, and Spudder.  If any one Super Spud managed to accumulate a total of a million friends on either of these social websites then they receive this medal and gain all kinds of rewards.  Having a million friends though is a hard feat to accomplish and only one Super Spud presently owns this medal – his name is Mark the salt and vinegar flavour.  He’s good looking, confident and not too arrogant by salt and vinegar standards, which has made him incredibly popular online.  The medal also grants him –and 1,000 guests of his choosing free access to night clubs and theme parks!

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