General Ganadalf vows not to let evil Brussels sprouts pass
General Ganadalf declared today that he would not let any evil Brussels sprouts walk across the bridge leading into Mount Oasis. A recently born Super Spud, General Ganadalf appeared in Mt Oasis two days ago and took it upon himself to personally guard the magnificent, narrow bridge leading into the city. Armed with only a sharpened HB pencil, General Ganadalf shouts every top of the hour the sentence: “You will not pass!” while slamming the rubber end of his pencil down firmly into the bridge. Inhabitants of Mt Oasis are relieved that a general is now guarding the bridge, after numerous and deadly attacks by bands of marauding Brussels sprouts on the city in recent weeks.
Bonfire night claims many casualties
This year’s bonfire celebrations to remember the legend of General Fawkes were as deadly as ever. Officially, 400 Super Spuds lost their lives after playing with toffee apples. As every Super Spud is aware fireworks, sparklers and bonfires are banned by the Tenth Amendment of the Super Spud Constitution because they attract too much unwanted attention from curious humans. Once again, unsupervised Super Spuds foolishly took part in notoriously dangerous toffee apple related games. This year, however, the biggest mass casualty arose in Mount Rima, when a 100 litre molten cauldron of toffee accidentally fell over at an organized event. The resulting tidal wave of toffee blistered and drowned 30 Super Spuds. Super Spuds are once again warned that toffee apple games can be lethal and should be conducted under supervision only by tuna flavours.
The Mount Haima grand prix was won by Jet – a salt and vinegar flavour – who set a new fastest lap in the process. The racetrack, uniquely square shaped, is traditionally one of the more boring races on the circuit as it lacks a loop-the-loop or even a crossroads. Yet the race this time threw up many incidents and dramas. Jet now leads the driver standings, 2 points ahead of Jenson.
Mount Thames has declared it is ready to host next month’s Super Spud Olympic Games. New events this year are as follows: holly leaf hurdles, quicksand escape, no blinking stare-off, and one armed chin-ups. Doubts have been raised about the size of Mt Thames and its ability to transport and accommodate the huge influx of Super Spuds expected for the games, but a spokesperson stated they would simply “cram” Super Spuds into the trains and hotel rooms, and anyone who complained would receive a Medal of Being a Whinging Pom.
It is with great sadness that we announce the death of General Bane. At only the age of three months, General Bane already had 50 Medals of Heroism to his name. Today, this paper is proud to officially announce that a Medal of Absolutely Ridiculous Heroism has posthumously been awarded for his courageous last moments. Fighting alone against 40 attacking Brussels sprouts flavours and armed only with a drawing pin and a tin foil shield, General Bane defended the besieged hospital with all of his strength and skill. Holding out until reinforcements arrived, General Bane was then attacked by a seagull and died instantly.